


What Little Heart I Have

by Angel Ascending (angel_in_ink)



Series: Short and Sweet (Fics of About 1000 Words or Less) [20]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Boy Is a Mess, Caleb Maybe Has A Crush, Character Study, Gen, Spoilers for Episode 41 Of Campaign 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 17:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16602182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angel_in_ink/pseuds/Angel%20Ascending
Summary: Caleb should have been sleeping. Today he had infiltrated a temple and helped fight several snake-men and been in a battle with an honest to gods hydra, something he had only read about in books. He had run through the jungle for four hours (four hours and ten minutes to be precise, each second lung burning muscle screaming agony) and he hadn’t even had the energy to undress before bed, with the exception of his boots. But as tired as his body is, his mind is still awake, his thoughts spinning in circles.Giving Caduceus Molly's periapt had been a practical decision. Strictly practical. Yes.





	What Little Heart I Have

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I ship them, but I never know if I should tag (possibly) one sided crushes as slash or not. Hence the ampersand.

Caleb should have been sleeping. Today he had infiltrated a temple and helped fight several snake-men and been in a battle with an honest to gods _hydra_ , something he had only read about in books. He had run through the jungle for four hours (four hours and ten minutes to be precise, each second lung burning muscle screaming agony) and he hadn’t even had the energy to undress before bed, with the exception of his boots. But as tired as his body is, his mind is still awake, his thoughts spinning in circles.

Caleb doesn’t have Frumpkin with him, no fur to stroke, no purr to soothe him. He reaches up for the necklace that he’s been wearing for nearly two months now, the heart that had lain against his, that he had sometimes run his thumb over when he had been stressed, the smoothness of it a comfort. It’s gone, of course it is, he had given it to Caduceus not even an hour ago. It had been a practical decision, Caleb tells himself. If the clerics go down, then everyone suffers. Caduceus had more of a punch to his healing, it seemed, more energy to give to those that were unconscious, it only made sense to give the periapt to him. It had meant giving up his own little bit of security, but it would be good for the group in the long run. The group kept Caleb safe. It was in his best interest to keep the group safe too.

Practical. Yes. A practical decision. It had nothing to do with how lost Caduceus had looked the night they had fled Nicodranas on a stolen ship, nothing to do with the fact that Caleb knew what it was like to have a plan, an idea of how ones life was going to go, only to have it crumble and blow away like so much ash on the wind. It had nothing to do with the heart sickening lurch Caleb had felt, that instant of panic when everyone had been escaping the temple, of reaching out with his magic as the waterspout thrust them into the air and everyone had begun to fall, of seeing Caduceus unconscious and _still falling_. The fall would have killed him, Caleb was sure. His snap judgement, his _mistake_ would have killed him. Another death on Caleb’s hands.

All right, so maybe Caleb’s giving up of the periapt had been an apology as well. _Sorry that we haven’t been helping you. Sorry you almost died. Again. Again. Again._ _Please take this. Please don’t leave._

Caduceus had smiled. The firbolg had looked as bad as Caleb felt, worn out and worn down, hair tangled, smelling of salt water and sweat, and he had _smiled_ as Caleb offered the necklace to him. He had asked if Caleb believed in fate, in something bigger than themselves that drove their actions. Caleb couldn’t tell him that he couldn’t hear the word _fate_ without smelling smoke and hearing the crackle of flames, without seeing Trent, who had been his whole world, once upon a time.

_I think the world is shaping you into something important, and I want to make sure you get to wherever you need to be._ The words glow in Caleb’s mind with a soft light, like the mote of possibility does when he looks in the dodecahedron. He had thought Caduceus had been talking about the group as a whole, and then he had thought that Caduceus was maybe talking about just _him._ Nott says similar things sometimes, about how she knows Caleb is destined for great things, about how she wants to help him become greater. Nott doesn’t know that destiny is a trap, a spider’s web you have to destroy to break free from. Nott is Caleb’s friend, but she wants something from him, he knows that. That’s why she helps him, why she says those things. Caduceus wants something from Caleb, wants his help, the _group’s_ help in his future endeavor, help in saving his home. That’s why Caduceus had said what he said. Surely.

Caleb turns over in his narrow cot, one hand still curled around a necklace that is no longer there. It had been the only thing of Molly’s that he had owned, and now it’s gone. But it’s not like Caleb needed a physical reminder of Molly to remember him, not when he can still see Molly’s smile, sharp as a sword and bright as the moon, when he closes his eyes.

_I promise I will continue to help you all_ , Caduceus had said with a smile as gentle as spring rain as he had accepted the necklace from Caleb, hands warm against his for one long, lingering moment. Caleb had wanted to return that smile, bask in that warmth like Frumpkin in a sunbeam and that was….

“You do not know what you are getting into,” Caleb whispers in the dark, or dreams he whispers, and doesn’t know who he’s talking to, Caduceus or himself. Then he is lost to dreams, fire and flood, smoke and salt, and underneath it all the smell of a freshly turned earth, a garden or a grave, and a gentle hand touching his, a heart between them.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm angel-ascending over on Tumblr if y'all want to stop by and say hi!


End file.
